If it smells like…to the tune of.


To the tune of Deck the Halls:

Deck the halls with cru-el excess


Tis the season to passive aggress


Don we now our worst atti-tude


Don’t expect a reasonable outcome


Don’t forget our best memor-ies


Make sure no one forgets your mala-dies


Keep the mean frown on your face


that will mean you’re head of the race


Yes, folks. Make up your own holiday tradition. X-mas, Holidaze, it’s all good. Nobody wins on Christmas Day. Pack up your gifts, your food, and warm gloves. Leave the vodka in the sled; no one needs it tonight.

Just hope that you survive tales of childhood bullying and embarrassment. Because you need to be reminded, on this humblest of nights, that you too are prone to idiocy and not special.

The baby Jesus will magically appear on everyone’s lawns, and the blow-up decorations will inflate one last time. Yet I will be the one noticing the one light bulb that has…blown!

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