Some Ideas for 45’s Earth Day Celebration

It occurs to me that in order to be a good #American, I need to give our elected #RepublicanPresident a chance. He has been working so hard to make America great again #MAGA, I decided to help him make America even greater by offering some ideas for #TrumpAppropriate activities, something that no real human being on this planet would have dreamed of, were it not for the creative vision of this despairing author. So here goes:

  1. #PresidentTrump will pour a vial of mercury fresh from a factory into the #HudsonRiver, to show that #MAGA means that decades of cleaning and caring have little to do with #MAGA. #VicePresidentPence will bless the vial using his powers of very very religious behavior before that.
  2. #PresidentTrump visits an #EPA office with some applications for coal mining jobs, to show that he is the #PresidentforallthePeople and will take any opportunity to flaunt the pullback of regulations protecting the planet from dangerous and polluting behavior.
  3. He will visit a school and show a #PowerPoint of rain forests and explain that they are very very bad for the planet, as they block efforts to grow cattle for the very very important (and delicious) meat industry back here in #MAGA country.
  4. He will participate in a #duckandcover drill and everyone in the childrens’ classes will laugh at how stupid and useless it is to try to escape a nuclear explosion so close to home. This is during the time when they used to have their lunch, which is no longer available to many of the children.
  5. He will burn some nice fresh coal in a small meadow and fan the fumes upwards to demonstrate how lovely it is that companies can now not be disturbed by !government! regulations stopping them from spreading pollution and smog into neighboring fields and cities.
  6. #PresidentTrump will visit a feedlot out there in Nevada or somewhere to prove that the conditions and smells to that we maintain for our meat industry are very very good and stupendous. Afterwards, he will accompany some ranchers to shoot baby wolves and coyotes while the babies are left alone for mom to catch some rabbits. Pictures will follow, by his two sons who love to shoot and photograph dead animals.
  7. He will then speak to the media on how important it is to not worry about #fracking, as he pours a nice tall glass of water that is actually on fire, while an earthquake rattles and dislodges his hair or whatever that is on his head.
  8. #45 will personally destroy with an axe, a grouping of solar collection cells and panels, to show us that this progressive technology which collects light to use for electricity without impacting very much, is so bad for #MAGA #America. He will repeat his usual rhetoric about how he has much much better, stupendous, plans for our energy needs.
  9. #45 will stand on an ice floe in the Antactic and hack it apart with his executive order signing pen, while being held up by a military grade ‘copter. This is not only to prove that nothing happens when an ice floe disappears(?) but puts to use a machine that we need to #MAGA fight our violent enemies, which otherwise may not be used.
  10. To prove once and for all that there is no such thing as “#climatechange” #45 will turn a graph upside down and post it to the #Republican based #Government website showing temperatures going down for the entire planet.

Ideas are welcome. We can do this. We can celebrate #EarthDay as #MAGA-ites and show the world America surely is at the forefront of making Earth itself unlivable for humans and every other living thing, for generations to come.


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